The Inner Journey

I'm not really a writer or a poet. I started writing poems, philosophies about life, and short stories about 10 years ago. No doubt that I'd written quite a number of articles, but it just didn't seem right. What I wanted to write was something that would show me how to reconcile my deepest spiritual, authentic, and creative longings with often-overwhelming and conflicting commitments - to my parents, siblings, invalid boyfriend, work at office, work in the world, friends, and community. I knew I wasn't the only one in this world to feel this frazzled, depressed, and worn to a ravelling. I also certainly knew that I wasn't the only one in this world with the answers. And the ironic truth was, I didn't even know the questions.

For the past few years, I wanted so much - money, success, recognition, genuine creative expression - but had absolute no clue as to what I truly needed. At times my passionate hungers were so voracious I could deal with them only through denial. Was I ever kind to myself? More often than to feel comfortable to admit, I was an angry, envious woman, constantly comparing myself to others only to become resentful because of what seemed to be missing from my life, although couldn't have told you what it was. Frustrated and unable to fathom why some people appeared to lead much more fulfilling lives - I careened between feelings that I was frittering my life away to feeling that I was sacrificing it on the altar of my own ambitions.

One day, I had a good look of myself at the mirror. Perhaps for the first time, I had to be ruthlessly honest both inwardly and outwardly. I came to the realization that, almost imperceptibly, I'd become a happy woman, and because I finally found myself, I could barely recognize the woman I once was. I've made the unexpected but thrilling discovery that everything in my life is significant enough to be a continuous source of reflections, revelation, and reconnection: bad hair, mood swings, pimples, excruciating deadlines, overdrawn bank account, exhaustion and don't know what to wear. Everyday, I learn to appreciate the beauty of nature, living with a gratitude feeling, and through that it leads me to simplicity. And through simplicity, it gives me order, both internally and externally. And because of this order in me, it brings harmony into my life. Harmony provides me with the inner peace I need to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me each day, and beauty opens me to joy. All these open teh eyes of my inner awareness.

Always we ignore what our hearts are telling us. Our authentic self has not abandoned us. Instead it has been waiting patiently for you to recognize and reconnect. Turn away from the world that is churning around you. Listen to the whispers of your heart. Look within. At long last, the journey you were destined to take has begun, just like mine, which has taken flight.