What Is Online Friendship?

I learned a lot about online friends when I started playing Audition. In this virtual world of friendship, who can you truly call your friend? Who is genuine and sincere? Who is a poser and just pretending to be your friend?

I learned that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak. It’s not about whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful on how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship.

Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do. It's not about whether you’re good or not and it’s not a reflection of you. It is a balanced relationship between people. That doesn’t mean it’s always balanced at every moment. Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that is being returned.

There’s a world of difference between being a friend and being a fan. I’ve heard from people who I’ve never met say we’re friends. And then of course when I do something they don’t like, I’ve betrayed the supposed friendship. They’re living in a dreamworld. The more popular my character in Audition has become, the more people have this dream. Of course that’s not friendship, that’s torture.

“When a friend changes you can find the bond that’s connecting you at a deeper level. The surface stuff isn’t a good thing to depend on. Physical bodies change as they grow. So do emotional bodies and intellectual ones. Take a deep breath. People move, life is more like a wild dance than a ceremony. You just can’t tell what’s coming next.” - Dave Winer

So if you find yourself trying to coerce someone into not changing, that is not friendship. That is coercion.

One of the hallmarks of a person who is more likely to be a friend-that-was than a friend-for-life, is that person quotes anonymous people who say they were my friends but I betrayed them. That’s such a huge turnoff, that usually wakes me up in an instant. A friend would never even consider saying something like that, because it’s so objectifying, so impersonal, so unfair, so un-friendly. In a court of law you’re entitled to cross-examine your accusers. Same in the court of friendship.

I want to thank those who have been giving me their support, and been there for me even at my lowest and weakest time. You have been understanding to the real me, accept the whole me (the few of you should know who you are in my heart).

As for those who are a huge turnoff to me, thank you too for leaving a chapter in my life, and are history now.

The Inner Journey

I'm not really a writer or a poet. I started writing poems, philosophies about life, and short stories about 10 years ago. No doubt that I'd written quite a number of articles, but it just didn't seem right. What I wanted to write was something that would show me how to reconcile my deepest spiritual, authentic, and creative longings with often-overwhelming and conflicting commitments - to my parents, siblings, invalid boyfriend, work at office, work in the world, friends, and community. I knew I wasn't the only one in this world to feel this frazzled, depressed, and worn to a ravelling. I also certainly knew that I wasn't the only one in this world with the answers. And the ironic truth was, I didn't even know the questions.

For the past few years, I wanted so much - money, success, recognition, genuine creative expression - but had absolute no clue as to what I truly needed. At times my passionate hungers were so voracious I could deal with them only through denial. Was I ever kind to myself? More often than to feel comfortable to admit, I was an angry, envious woman, constantly comparing myself to others only to become resentful because of what seemed to be missing from my life, although couldn't have told you what it was. Frustrated and unable to fathom why some people appeared to lead much more fulfilling lives - I careened between feelings that I was frittering my life away to feeling that I was sacrificing it on the altar of my own ambitions.

One day, I had a good look of myself at the mirror. Perhaps for the first time, I had to be ruthlessly honest both inwardly and outwardly. I came to the realization that, almost imperceptibly, I'd become a happy woman, and because I finally found myself, I could barely recognize the woman I once was. I've made the unexpected but thrilling discovery that everything in my life is significant enough to be a continuous source of reflections, revelation, and reconnection: bad hair, mood swings, pimples, excruciating deadlines, overdrawn bank account, exhaustion and don't know what to wear. Everyday, I learn to appreciate the beauty of nature, living with a gratitude feeling, and through that it leads me to simplicity. And through simplicity, it gives me order, both internally and externally. And because of this order in me, it brings harmony into my life. Harmony provides me with the inner peace I need to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me each day, and beauty opens me to joy. All these open teh eyes of my inner awareness.

Always we ignore what our hearts are telling us. Our authentic self has not abandoned us. Instead it has been waiting patiently for you to recognize and reconnect. Turn away from the world that is churning around you. Listen to the whispers of your heart. Look within. At long last, the journey you were destined to take has begun, just like mine, which has taken flight.

Let's Cook - Comforto Chicken

I came up with this easy and simple recipe when I was sick to make myself feel better.

::: INGREDIENTS :::
1 can of diced tomatoes  in tomato juice
4 whole chicken legs
2 stalks of celery, slice
2 carrots, chop into cubes
2 potatoes, cut into quarters
1 onion, cut into quarters
1 stalk of leek, slice
2 stalks of rosemarry, remove leaves from stalk
2 tbs of olive oil
1/2 cup of white wine
salt & pepper to taste

1. Wash the chicken legs. Use kitchen towel to absorb the water from the chicken legs. Marinate the chicken legs with ground black pepper, olive oil, rosemarry and salt for 30 minutes. Leave the chicken at room temperature.
2. Pre-heat the oven for 10 minutes at 190°c.
3. Place all the ingredients in a baking tray. Pour the diced tomatoes and sauce and white wine. Add salt and ground black pepper. Cover with foil and let it roast for 2 hours.
4. Ready to serve.
   

ラーメン! 大すき!!!

Decided to cook something not so heaty since I was sick. This was my dinner 5 nights ago, Japanese theme.

::: What's on menu :::
Seasoned koonago
Japanese salad with tako
Char siew ramen in shoyu
Spinach with my special miso sauce

Monthly Affair

That would be my beauty regime. It is a MUST do/have every month for the following treatments:

• back treatment
• facial
  
• foot reflexology
  
• hair spa
  
• pedicure
• massage (optional)

Last Saturday, went to my usual hair salon for my haircut and hair spa. Prior to that, I had my facial at the one and only Lancome Institute which is under J's Salon (yup, my regular hair salon). After the facial, I ended up signing up for the package. My total damage for that day as follow:

Lancome Facial Package (6 visits) - S$1,092
Hair Spa - S$212
Hair Cut - S$62
Foot Reflexology - S$53
Total : S$1,419

I have been a regular at J's Salon since 2 years ago and will continue to be their customer. I like their services and the people there are not plastic, unlike most salons.

J's Salon Official Site

At the rate that I'm spending, sooner or later whatever reserve in my bank account will run dry. I better start looking for a job and stop slacking? Hmm...

Hairy Crabs Season Is Here!!!

Gourmands are salivating as the season for eating legendary hairy crab is upon us. It's that time of the year again. Time for hairy crab gourmands who have waited longingly for 10 long months to finally dig in, crack, suck, slurp and savor the delicate meat, the roe and the gao of the celebrated crustaceans.

The best known and marketed are the Yangcheng Lake hairy crabs, the Rolls Royce and the Vidalia onion of the freshwater crab world. They mature between October and November and are harvested from the lake northeast of Suzhou in Jiangsu Province. Crabs from the eastern part of the lake are said to be the best.

Other lakes in the area also produce delicious hairy crabs because they have geological and ecological characteristics similar to Yangcheng Lake, but the crab growers of Yangcheng Lake win the gold medal for marketing. Genuine Yangcheng Lake hairy crabs cost more than other tasty hairy crabs.

How to cook and serve

Authentic or not, a hairy crab has no way to escape its destiny: to end up on the dinner or banquet table, and then in your stomach.

There are dozens of ways to cook a crab. It can be boiled, fried, braised and sauted with pork, mushrooms, tea leaves or seafood. But the most famous and favored cooking method is simple: just steam the crab with ginger and herbs. Serve with dark rice vinegar, a trace of sugar and minced ginger.

The crab's legs should be tied with strong twine. It should be flipped on its back for a while so that its shell collects the delicious roe and the gao of the males, a glutinous whitish substance. Then it should be tossed into a pot of boiling water, steamed alive.

After about 20 minutes in boiling water, the crab turns to a gorgeous shade of tangerine, then it's time to roll up your sleeves to savor the delicacy.

And now, dig in

Many people find it quite complicated, tedious and messy to eat a crab: Sometimes little hammers and special implements are used to crack the large claws and withdraw the tasty flesh.

However, 10 fingers and a pair of chopsticks are the best crab-eating tools.

First, take off the shell. The yellow fat and thick reddish roe of female crabs is underneath. October is the best month to eat female crab for its extra roe that makes the crab so tasty - and that gourmands live and die for. Crabs are harvested before they swim out to the ocean to mate. November is the time to eat males for their gao, which is under the "lid" or shell.

Then pull the crab apart. After eating the roe, gao and the yellow fat, pull off the legs. Replace the shell to keep the body warm.

Eat the legs first. You can either use a chopstick to push out the white, sweet and fragrant meat or suck it out, as most locals do. The leg shells may need to be cracked. The process can be laborious but it's rewarding.

Then, eat the body, after removing the inedible parts, the cellulose-like gills. The body is segmented with very thin shells, so you need to patiently dig out the meat with chopsticks, or other implements.

Note: The meat is delicious, but don't eat too much. According to traditional Chinese medicine, crab is "cold" or yin, so when eating crab, it's best to drink rice wine, which is "hot" or yang, to balance the energy in the body.

Since it's the hairy crab season, how can I not have some right? WinterFairy's way to cook hairy crabs...

::: INGREDIENTS :::
4 hairy crabs
1 stalk of spring onions (shredded finely)
4 Slices of ginger (chopped finely)
Chinese parsley for garnish

::: SEASONING :::
1tbs Light Soy Sauce
1tbs Sesame Oil
1tbs Shouxing Jiu (Chinese Wine)

1. Wash the hairy crabs and place it on a plate.
2. Mix all the seasoning in a bowl. Sprinkle the ginger, spring onion and seasoning over the hair crabs.
3. Steam the hair crabs in a wok on medium heat for 5 minutes. Just before serving, add some Chinese parsley for garnishing.
4. Ready to serve.
   

A Crabby Feast at Master Crab

Sis had this strong craving for crabs, therefore we ended up at a seafood restaurant which is only 3 minutes drive from where I live.

I had no idea that there is a crab specialty restaurant near my neighbourhood even though I have lived here for 8 years.They have Black Pepper Crab, Honey Crab, Crab Noodle Soup, Butter Crab, etc. Their specialty dish is Salted Egg Crab.

Luckily sis called to make advance reservation. When we arrived, the place was almost full house. We ordered a plate of Xing Zhou Fried Bee Hoon, Crispy Prawn Roll, Black Pepper Crab and Salted Egg Crab. Regan felt the salted egg crab a bit hot for her, ended up both my sis and myself devoured almost 2 medium size crabs by ourselves zzz...

Ratings : 3.5/5

Let's Cook - Mince Pork with Tofu and Mixed Veges

::: INGREDIENTS :::
1 Silken Tofu
100g Mince Pork
50g Mixed Veges
2 Cloves Garlic (chopped finely)
1tbs Mirin
1tbs Riyorishu (Japanese Cooking Wine)
1tbs Light Soy Sauce
1/2tbs Oyster Sauce
1tbs Corn Starch
1/4cup Water
2tbs Oil

::: SEASONING FOR MINCE PORK :::
1tbs Sesame Oil
1tbs Hua Diao Jiu (Chinese Cooking Wine)
1tsp Sugar
1tbs Light Soy Sauce
1/2tsp Salt
1/4tsp Ground Black Pepper

1. Marinate the mince pork with all the seasoning for 1 hour before cooking.
2. Heat the pan. Add in the oil. Add the garlic and stir fry for 30 seconds. Add in the mince pork and stir fry for 1 minute. Add in mixed veges and silken tofu and cook for another 30 seconds.
3. Add in mirin, riyorishu, light soy sauce, oyster sauce and water and leave it to cook for another 4 minutes. Add in corn starch to thicken the gravy.
4. Ready to serve.