What Is Online Friendship?

I learned a lot about online friends when I started playing Audition. In this virtual world of friendship, who can you truly call your friend? Who is genuine and sincere? Who is a poser and just pretending to be your friend?

I learned that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak. It’s not about whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful on how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship.

Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do. It's not about whether you’re good or not and it’s not a reflection of you. It is a balanced relationship between people. That doesn’t mean it’s always balanced at every moment. Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that is being returned.

There’s a world of difference between being a friend and being a fan. I’ve heard from people who I’ve never met say we’re friends. And then of course when I do something they don’t like, I’ve betrayed the supposed friendship. They’re living in a dreamworld. The more popular my character in Audition has become, the more people have this dream. Of course that’s not friendship, that’s torture.

“When a friend changes you can find the bond that’s connecting you at a deeper level. The surface stuff isn’t a good thing to depend on. Physical bodies change as they grow. So do emotional bodies and intellectual ones. Take a deep breath. People move, life is more like a wild dance than a ceremony. You just can’t tell what’s coming next.” - Dave Winer

So if you find yourself trying to coerce someone into not changing, that is not friendship. That is coercion.

One of the hallmarks of a person who is more likely to be a friend-that-was than a friend-for-life, is that person quotes anonymous people who say they were my friends but I betrayed them. That’s such a huge turnoff, that usually wakes me up in an instant. A friend would never even consider saying something like that, because it’s so objectifying, so impersonal, so unfair, so un-friendly. In a court of law you’re entitled to cross-examine your accusers. Same in the court of friendship.

I want to thank those who have been giving me their support, and been there for me even at my lowest and weakest time. You have been understanding to the real me, accept the whole me (the few of you should know who you are in my heart).

As for those who are a huge turnoff to me, thank you too for leaving a chapter in my life, and are history now.